I spend a lot of time feeling guilty. Not in an inherently bad way, but nonetheless guilty. I often have thoughts about all the things I will do more when my children are older. I will serve at church more, serve in the community more, spend more time with family, entertain friends more often, get another degree, and the list goes on. But why do I feel guilty? Ultimately, I have placed priority on taking are of my family and my home first, and many other things have been counted as unnecessary cost, left undone.
I think I feel guilty because I view myself so much in the light of other women and in the shadow of our family-hating culture. I’m tired of feeling this way, and I don’t think it’s how Jesus wants me to feel. It’s robbing me of true enjoyment of motherhood and my role as a Christian wife. I’m blinded by the pressure of being “perfect.”
I want my house to be spotless, my hair to be in place, the kids to be well dressed and even more well-behaved, my husband to be enamored with me, all the while juggling 36 hours of work, the endless task of motherhood and semi-taking care of myself. It’s a tall order. But is this how it is supposed to be?
It’s not overnight that I can make myself let all these things go. But daily, before the cross, I must lay them down. Ordering my day by what’s eternal is the best I can do. There are some necessary worldly things to be tended to, but the focus has to be on what God has for me to do. These children I have are the biggest legacy I can leave. They need me a lot, and God designed it that way. When I look to the world, I find guilt for spending so much energy on them. When I look to Christ, I find joy and transformation in this daily journey.